FDA and IRS Work Together to Regulate and Tax Coffee

FDA and IRS Work Together to Regulate and Tax Coffee

FDA and IRS Work Together to Regulate and Tax Coffee, According to the IRS, the productivity value of caffeine in the American workforce must finally be accounted for...

By Richard Saunders on April. 1, 2021

Washington D.C. — The FDA in cooperation with the IRS have announced the time has come to further regulate and tax coffee, sources confirmed today.

In a written statement signed by FDA Beverage Council Chairperson Jim Jackson, the organization said both the FDA and IRS were involved since there was a unique opportunity for both agencies to, "get a piece of the action" when it comes to America's favorite hot beverage.

“I hate to screw around with the only thing keeping Americans from turning on each other,” Jackson said, from an FDA basement cubicle where he sat drinking a tepid chamomile tea. 

"But coffee is in almost every home and workplace in America, we're feeling left out."

According to Mr. Jackson's point of contact at the IRS, Cindy Baker, tax revenues from tobacco have never been lower and something needed to be done, after brainstorming for weeks on new taxes to implement they workshopped everything from cheeseburgers to ice cream .

"On a zoom call someone we couldn't identify sarcastically suggested coffee, at first we all laughed, but soon realized they were really on to something there" said Baker.

The FDA and IRS have both been declining calls from the DOD regarding their suggestion all branches of the military replace coffee with a healthier, less expensive "coughee" derived from roasted pinto beans.  

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